Gotcha Day!!!

I can't believe I'm writing this with my sweet Eisley sleeping in a crib 2 feet away from me! SHE IS GORGEOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We went to the registration office this morning at 9:30 am. I couldn't eat, I was an emotional basketcase all morning. No matter how much I prayed, sang songs or tried to calm myself down, I just couldn't do it, my stomach was so tied up in knots. When we arrived at the office, 2 of our group's children were already there. One of the family's daughters (Zoey) was pretty upset, she is so cute. We have gotten to be pretty good friends with her parents, older sister, and grandparents, they are all wonderful. Poor little thing was pretty hysterical for awhile. The other little guy, Vinny, was happy as could be playing with his mom and dad and older brother and sister. We all watched how the two were adjusting and how the parents were adjusting and I was still prepared for the worst case scenario, especially after seeing two very very different reactions to the whole process. We waited for quite awhile while Eisley and another little friend were brought from their orphanage. Finally a white van pulled up and two little brown heads appeared with their escorts. I knew my baby immediately, she looked exactly like her picture, except she had a whole lot more hair. She had three huge ponytails on her head and still has bangs in the front. She is very, very tiny, and looks more like a 9 month old than an 18 month old. I was so SO excited to hold her and tried to talk quietly to her because there was a lot of commotion going on with all the other babies and families in the room. I tried to tell her I was mama, and after just a few times she put her arms around me and hugged me. That was it……all the anxiety, worry, tension and downright doubt, left. I knew her little spirit knew mine and that everything was going to be ok. I, of course, along with her wonderful aunties, were a complete bawling, crying mess at this point and I think she thought we were all crazy. She didn't cry once. She was so happy. She smiled, she ate lots and lots of gerber puffs and wouldn't let me go. We signed papers, took pictures and gave some gifts to the orphanage people. We asked some questions and got a few answers but mostly we just laughed and cried and tried to take it all in. The orphanage gave us a bag with two special books, the cameras I sent and our photo album. In each book there are pictures of her with her nannies and caregivers. I was so excited and relieved to learn that she hasn't really been in an orphanage for very long at all, but instead at the Shanghai Healing Home of Love. This is a miracle, actually. I learned about this place through our friend Misty, who has told us that this place is where cleft palate and lip kids go before and after their surgeries and are cared for by some Chinese nannies, but mostly by American service Christian missionaries. These kids have been LOVED. They have a beautiful, new, clean building that really looks like a home, it is bright, it is happy, it is beautiful and it is safe. One of the books is a scrapbook from this home. From the looks of it, Eisley has been there almost her entire life. There are pictures of her when she was really little, up until now, playing with kids, playing with lots and LOTS of American teenagers, and adults, pictures of her outside and right after her surgeries and lots of her smiling, sweet little face. Her surgery was sponsored most likely by Smile Train, and the person who sponsored her gave her the name of Joy, so that is what they called her there. I am SO thrilled that I know some of her history and even more excited because I am going to be able to contact the American's who run this place, I can thank them personally, I can donate things there and I may even be able to talk to and thank the sweet people who paid for her surgery. What a tender mercy to know that not only has she been cared for and taken good care of and loved, but she isn't scared of me. She has seen people who look like me, she eats foods that I eat, she seems so well adjusted and so happy, I am SO grateful!

There are hardly words to describe how happy I feel. When I put her down for her nap and to bed tonight, I sang her two songs that I want her to remember and believe her whole life. I Am a Child of God and Walk Tall, you're a Daughter of God. These songs, to me, have everything in them I want my daughter and all my children to know. They are loved, they have parents who will guide them, teach them, help them, not just on earth but they have a Heavenly Father who has sent them here for a reason, they should stand tall, they need to be taught who they are, they are all of infinite worth. I wish I could tell every Chinese girl ever born from the beginning about this, that they are beautiful, worthwhile daughters of a Heavenly Father who loves them and they are not inferior, or worthless, but instead, queens and princesses who deserve and demand respect, love and tenderness. I can't teach that to every Chinese girl, I can't thank my daughters sweet birth mother for giving her life, for sacrificing her own well being and possibly her whole families, I wish I could, I pray for her, I wish with all my heart I could wrap my arms around her and thank her for this priceless beautiful gift. I pray that somehow she will know that her baby girl is ok, that she will be well taken care of, that she will play in wide open green places with sisters and brothers who love her and I pray for her peace in knowing that her second mommy promises to do her best to love her enough for both her mommy's. I love this day. What a gift.